Something has been eating at me and I think I can finally can get it into words. I find that the older I get, the more society seems to bombard me with their idea of being woman. They say that my 43 year old body that gave birth to five kids (not to mention the two 20 week old miscarriages) and has been abused by the men who were suppose to protect me must be thin, perky breasted, no gray hair in sight, big-bootied (but not too big!), and sexy as all hell! Well, those days have come and gone and the thing is…. that is perfectly alright. My body has created life…. freaking life… dare any man to claim the same! Creating life five times does show on my body; so does feeding those five human beings make my breasts anything but perky. So, f’in’ worth it though!
I get to learn from my 21 year old son about Saracens and Marcus Aurelius and other history that I am clueless about. My 17 year old son is a fitness guru and artist that shows me what determination can get you. I find with my 14 year old daughter something terrifying and beautiful… she is smart and talented, but also she is the epitome of my two sisters in one person. She looks just like my youngest sister (which causes me to exchange their names often) and whose personality and behavior is exactly like my twin sister. My 9 year old son is a mix between Manny of Modern Family and Sheldon of Big Bang Theory making him the most loving, socially awkward gentleman genius ever. Then there is my fearless and tested 6 year old son who is full of joy for life. He drowned as a toddler and lived and is the one that has the most trips to the ER from just living life to the max. They are all both a test of my mettle and a joy to watch develop into an adulthood.
Yea, the weight gain, the stretch marks, and gray hairs do not make me sexy to men, but so what. I can dazzle them with my bullshit or charm them with my wit… well, if they are intelligent enough to distinguish between the two. If not, that is fine too because by God, contrary to what society says, I do not need a man to be complete. Not gonna lie, it is easier to have a companion to enjoy the roller coaster ride of life, but it is not a death sentence. Actually, it is quite the opposite. Men live longer with wives, women live longer alone. Go figure!
I am quite sick and tired being inundated with messages that say I have to have the latest Iphone or the newest Michael Kors handbag. That stuff does nothing for me. It does not increase my intelligence, pay my bills, or induce happiness. Yea, in this day and age, it is kinda necessary to have a smart phone so that you can look up info at the touch of a few buttons and let people contact you if you are out and about. But, a $60 refurbished phone at the Flea Market fills that need just as good as a $600+ Iphone. I can find a good, sturdy, leather handbag for $20 that will hold all my stuff in an organized fashion that beats the pants off of a Kors handbag for $400… and I will not worry if it gets scuffed. I just do not buy into the idea that spending loads of money on things will really benefit me in anyway.
I do not wear make-up. I sew my own clothes from recycled clothing and upcycled fabric. I have never had a manicure or pedicure. I am still alive! When I found myself alone though or feeling down, I am told by other women that the reason is is because I do not buy into the ideology we are fed since youth. I am told to go have a mani/pedi. I am told I need “shopping therapy.” I am told that if I just wore make-up, dressed differently or lost weight that a man would finally find me worthy of love. Wow! So, basically if I were not myself, if I pretended to be something from the magazines….just an image, then I would be worthy? If that is what it takes to have a partner in life, I would rather be alone for life.
I am a woman. I am a human. I am good enough just being my quirky, full bodied, aging, sarcastic, well-read, healing, spiritual, frugal, simple, uplifting, motivating, inspiring, dreaming, ingenious, free thinking, charming, etc., etc., etc., self! I am a mother. I am a feminist. I am a fabric artist. I am a photographer. I am a Kentuckian. I am a Sufi. I am a Hillbilly. I am a people person. All of these things have not a damn thing with the way I look. It all has to do with who I am in my heart and mind. My compassion is wider than my waistline. I have more heart than I do gray hairs. My kindness surpasses the sag of my breasts. I forgive more than I have stretch marks. I am perfectly me.
My life philosophy is “to live simply, so others can simply live.” I will always put other people before myself. It is my nature. I am a simple naturalist. I try to exude peace and love daily. I love to edify and empower others. I will always choose this path over the one that I am pressured to take. I will never be a diva. I will never be eye candy. I am sure as hell not as sweet and I don’t melt in the rain. I think women have so much more to offer society than we are led to believe. So, for all the other women out there that feel the same, just know you are not alone and you do not have to mold yourself into the tiny box that has been fed to us to be our one and only goal.