It was all too much for me to grasp.
I thought I found a faith that spoke to me. What I found were a people who thought I was not worthy.
They chastised everything about me.
“Single mom? Oh no, we cannot have that! Must get married!”
“Pierced eyebrow and tongue? Oh no, we cannot have that! You have to take that out!”
“Three tattoos? Oh no, we cannot have that! You have to cover it up and save your money for laser surgery!”
“Dancing? Oh no, we cannot have that! You cannot move your body in a way that feels good!”
“Swimming, hiking, riding horses? Oh no, we cannot have that! Those are activities for men!”
I was expected to change who I am, who God made me to be: strong, outspoken, and not SHY at all. If God wanted me to be any other way, he would have made me be born in their respective cultures and not my own.
“You can wear black, color attracts attention and we do not want you to attract attention. Here is a tent with a hair and face cover! You are not to be seen nor heard!”
I felt suffocated; my natural energy dissipated and I lost who I was.
A spark of my innate nature kept burning; it fueled all my attempts to marry my new faith and my true self. The flame became so great that I outgrew my new religion and I flew on a spiritual high the others could never attain, much less comprehend.
We all have this spiritual essence; yet many do not know that we have to go INSIDE to reach enlightenment.
They think that fitting yourself into a mold, obliging to strict customs, and disgracing the natural world is the way. They only keep a safe distance from ecstasy with the creator; locking themselves from the undeniable love.
I still maintain my faith, but from the truest source and not from a cultural prison.