Wayward Soul

I am a wayward soul. Job hunting has only made this deficit of me worse. I start over thinking every thing and wonder if there is not a hidden message in it all. Like, nursing is not what I’m suppose to do. That I went the wrong path. I was a good stay-at-home mom, but that only works if you are in a supportive, loving relationship. Now I must figure out how to successfully financially support my kids and myself. That scares me and makes me want the safety net of a standard nursing job; even if it is not meant for me.

My heart wants to write for a living; my heart also wants to own her own business. A risk that scares me, but really I have nothing to lose. I have a Pinterest page dedicated to that dream. I think about it often and know the perfect location… the Highlands. Something keeps me from working toward it and I am not so sure it is just fear.

I decided to take the Meyers-Briggs personality test to get some insight into who I am and what would make me tick insofar of a career. I was surprised to find that I am a bit more introverted than extroverted. I grew up always being the extroverted, however age has had its affect on me. When I was young, I could feed off other people’s energy, now people suck the life out of me. I am still social though, just more wise in who I give my time to… no bloodsuckers allowed.

My type is INFP: Introverted iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. INFP’s are introspective (so me!). We have a “natural attraction away from the world and toward essence and idea”; the word essence is my go to word when expressing myself and found in a lot of my writing. We are quixotic and gentle. We have unusual skill in character development and fluency in language…word artists.  We have strong value systems and are warmly interested in people. We are service oriented and loyal to people and causes (as my younger sister says, loyal to a fault). We are future oriented (which maybe why I am stuck now), growth oriented, creative, and inspirational. We are flexible, laid back (unless you cross our line), sensitive and complex (which could explain why I cannot settle on one interest). We are original and individualistic (out of the mainstream). We have excellent written communications skills and prefer to work alone. We value deep authentic relationships and want to be seen and appreciated for who we are.

This explains so much about my conundrum. INFP’s are driven to do something meaningful and purposeful with our lives. We need to have careers that are inline with our value system and allow us to work for the greater good of humanity (that is why I had to leave my job for a credit card company; I could not in good conscious scam people to get more in debt). So many infamous writers are infact INFP’s. The suggested career list includes writer (what I dream of doing), counselor/social worker (what I originally went to school for), teacher/professor (which is what I want to do in my business idea), psychologist/psychiatrist, musician, clergy/religious worker (something I have a panache for), and personal coaches (which is another avenue I have give some consideration). All of which allow me to be creative and use my artistic side to keep me from getting bored.

I feel so relieved after learning about my personality type. I am not crazy after all; just unique. There are only 1% of INFP’s. I have such varying interests that a lot of times I feel that I am ADD. However, it is just a broad mind and not a hindrance to learning and working. I am capable of exploring and delving into my multitude of interests once I learn to focus on one at a time. I think having so many different interests has lead me to become paralyzed. I just need to start with one and concentrate on that. I still need to find work for in the meantime so that I can become independent, but the first interest will be writing since I am already doing that with this blog. In my writing, I can pursue sociology, psychology, spirituality and coaching. Eventually, I will work towards my entrepreneurship of Sew Creative Cafe. I have perhaps a good 40 years left in me to achieve all my dreams.

One thing I lack though is a full support system. I know my sisters support me in my goals, but I have at least two people who try to undermine my progression. One I can remove from my life when I am financially stable and the other I need to keep contact with at a minimum. It would be nice to gain some more supportive people in my life to deflect the effect of destructive ones. I am a very social and friendly person, but the situation I am in now makes it difficult to get out and meet new people. I need to find new ways of putting myself out there for opportunities to commune with like-minded people.  Any suggestions in this area would be greatly appreciated.

My project for this week is to work on my Flash Fiction Memoir and start that business plan for my Sew Creative Cafe. I got another rejection for employment, but another job lead too which I will be applying for Monday. Just keeping my head afloat is not enough, I need to start kicking to propel myself forward.




2 thoughts on “Wayward Soul

  1. Well, for meeting people, you can always come to my writing group! By all means, keep writing! You have a gift, and a story to tell. For flash memoir type stuff, check out Brevity, an online journal of flash nonfiction.

    And, I know the Highlands is more conducive for the type of business you’re wanting to open, but I know there is a big movement toward the arts and self-sufficiency in Bullitt Co (check out the Homegrown Art Show–a friend of mine runs it). Apply for any job where you would be happy, even if it isn’t nursing.

  2. Karly Anne, you also a big part of my support system and I am indebted to you. I hope one day I can get a sitter to go to your writing group. I will check out Brevity! Thanks for the info. I had no idea about Bullitt County. As for applying to any job. I am doubtful that I could get hired in anything else, simply because I am just coming back into the workforce from full time stay at home mommyhood. Love ya hun and hope to see you again soon!

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