The mud clung to my smarting back side and clumped all the way down my leg. I got up and noticed my ankle did not ache so I took off again running down the trail etched in the forest under growth. I was already angry and this just was an interruption of the fury building in my mind as I replayed every moment. My mind was nothing more than my personal cinema, where I could rewind the reel and play it as many times as I needed to make my rage concrete and revenge cemented.
I will not be a weak shell of a woman… no damsel in distress here; just a real fearless bitch. When will these people learn not to fuck with me?
The rain was dropping down my face and arms with an accelerated “pit pit”, but not cooling my temper any. I run when I am pissed; rain or shine. I had my familiar path through the woods; touching the trees as I passed too close to them. The smell of ripe earth, rain and worms forced up through the soaking soil. I smiled at the thought of how my twin sister ‘ewwed’ and writhed at the sight of the worms after a hard rain. My shoes squished at every pound of the ground; maple saplings rustled against my legs.
I ran down along the creek, over the felled tree that my other sister met running and not watching; landing her with a deep wound in her leg full of branch that took months of draining and changing bandages to heal. I thought to avoid the streaming water, but was lured by the rocks to jump. I was wet anyway, what difference would it make. I took one step to a rock and another and another until the small brook opened up to the tributary of Floyd’s Fork. I spanned my arms wide and fell face forward. I opened my eyes and saw the limestone, shells and fossils laying at the bottom. I pushed up with my knees and came out of the water like a giant fish being reeled in with a fight to live.
I stepped up on the soggy bank that I had just leapt from and continued back on my trail. I did not hurt any more. The pain of the insults and degradation no longer stung. My face still stung a little and maybe more after going in the muddy creek, but sure it was not as bad as that cigarette I buried in his neck did.
Why does he think I am just going to sit there and not fight back? I am more than he’ll ever be. Just because people gravitate to me more does not mean he can be crazy. One day… one day… he will learn. Damn him!
I covered back where my footsteps would have been had I not started hopping the rocks. The wind had picked up and the distant thunder was coming closer at a quick pace. I picked up my stride in hopes to get out before the worst of the storm landed on top of me. God was probably as angry as I was about this low life putting his hands on me. Always in this world women are suffering at the hands of men with engorged egos and self righteous arrogance. Our histories are erased; because we are silenced by their violence. It is why we are rarely heard of in the millenia of the beginning of time.
God, please do not let us be silenced any more!
I could see in the horizon, the clover of the grassy knoll leading into the woods. My run would be soon over, so I slowed myself down a few clicks and brushed my fingertips along the bark of the trees as I passed them. I savored each touch of groove of the grain against my skin. Rough, but painless. A bolt came streaming down through the canopy just ahead of me. My legs stopped. My already pounding heart quadrupled it’s beats pushing it closer to the surface of my skin. I seemed ok.. soon realized I could not hear. At first, I thought the wildlife had stopped stirring from fear, but then noticed I no longer heard the rain, nor my heart beating, not even the lightening that streaked across the sky again. I began racing towards home. Panic was creeping in my conscious with what-if.