As many may know, in Islam, men are allowed to have up to four wives. Despite what Muslim men may do today, polygamy has a design to benefit women, not men. When polygamy was permitted in Islam, many men were collecting wives like a hoarder collects newspapers. They were not really taking care of them, just using them. So, one man may have ten wives but not give them financial support, care and love… just merely take what he needs from them. Also during this time, there were many widowed women (with children) from the wars. To help women, protect women and children and ensure family stability, men were limited to four wives with conditions.
Men who take more than one wife, must spend on them equally, give time equally and in all things, except the heart, be equal (because the heart inclines to one as it wills). Sadly, this is not the case today. Many Muslim men take more than one wife for his personal desires or to increase himself in her wealth. I know one woman whose husband had them living with his parents, who were not happy about them being Muslim. The husband refused to work, she worked and had a young toddler. One day he came to her to tell her he was going across country to marry another woman. He said that she was a wealthy woman and would be of benefit to him. He left his wife with the intention of going between the two wives on the tab of one of the wives. He never came back home to his first wife and refused to divorce her. She left Islam just so she could be divorced.
Recently a “friend” contacted me about finding him a second wife. He is married to foreign woman and he himself is a convert. I was curious why he is looking for another wife, because I have no intention in helping him. I know the reason polygamy was permitted, but know that is not the reason for its use today. Selfishness is the reason for polygamy today.
My “friend” gave me his reason as being because she is too busy for him. She is going back to school to finish her degree and she has a young daughter. He complained that she spends all her free time with the daughter. I told him that she probably feels guilty for the time she has to dedicate to school so she tries to make up for it by spending her free time with her daughter. His response was, “Bingo! You nailed it. Yet, she’s perfectly happy to completely ignore me.” Of course, how could I forget what babies men really are. It is always about them or they have fits like terrible two year olds. I reminded him that she did not give birth to him. I also suggested that perhaps she was offended by his consistent perusal of pages about beautiful Arab women or beautiful African women. Needless to say, he did not register what I said and went straight to the divorce threat.
He then mentioned something that stuck with me. He said his wife had asked, “if it wasn’t haram, would I prefer to be single, live alone and just see somebody when you need sex?” I get what she is saying. At my age, I do not need to be bogged down by some man’s insecurities. It gets old. The thing is, with the right man, I could be a co wife. It would be nice to have someone I could depend on, someone to care for me and be a companion to, but not be smothered by. I went out the other night with my sister (which is not an every week, nor every month thing). I went to hear music, which I did not tell my husband, as he is of the “haram police” mentality. When I got home, he was hovering over me like a mother hen wanting details of any conversation between my sister and I. I gaffed him off. It is none of his business. He is not my daddy and barely my spouse.
I think I could be the co wife with benefits and the other wife could be his darling that he loves and dotes on and she reciprocates. Then we are all happy because he gets the reward for helping a woman, she will not have to concern herself with those things that are too taboo (shocking to find how how many prudish women are out there) and I am free to do as I please. That works for me.